I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
