I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
