You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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