i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
