I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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