Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
