i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
