After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
