On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
