Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
