can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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