Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
