whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
