omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
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My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
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Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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