i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
