I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
