hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
