I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
