We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
