Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
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