so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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