I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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