hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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