We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
