Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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