I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
