One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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