i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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