So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
