dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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