the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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