the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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