so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
