this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
