I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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