I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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