We won't sleep together?
My brain says no but my pants say off.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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