But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
