Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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