Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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