I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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