in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
