So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize