We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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