I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Drunk is not a location!
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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