a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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