Is it normal to miss your booty call?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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