she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
just tell him i said nine months
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I deserve this hangover.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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