hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
The best revenge is premature balding
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
