i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
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speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
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I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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