We won't sleep together?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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