Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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