What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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