cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
