You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
