I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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