You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
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