Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
