he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
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