Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I didn't notice because vodka
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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