where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
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Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
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Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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