I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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