you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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