Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Randomize
