I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
