I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
