you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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