The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
