Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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