i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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