i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
