How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
So much rum. So many feels.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
