i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
